Postpartum Rage & Why Men Just Don’t Get It

Are you somewhere in your postpartum journey and suddenly finding yourself so angry that it almost scares you?

I have.

And countless women who come to my postnatal classes have too. In fact, we were talking about it in class this afternoon.

Postpartum rage.

It’s incredibly common, but we don’t talk about it nearly enough.

There are lots of reasons it happens. Hormonal changes obviously play a huge role, but so do sleep deprivation, physical recovery, overwhelming responsibility and the relentless demands of caring for a tiny human who needs you constantly.

All of this adds up to physical and emotional exhaustion.

And when you are already running on empty, the smallest thing can suddenly feel like the final straw.

The cup left beside the sink.

The question, “What’s for dinner?”

Someone asking you where something is when you’ve spent the entire day keeping another human alive.

And suddenly… RAGE.

It can be directed at your partner, your children, your pets, your family — sometimes whoever happens to be standing closest when you finally reach your limit.

And then comes the guilt.

Because women are often taught from a very young age that being “too emotional” is a bad thing. We’re expected to be patient, nurturing, grateful and endlessly capable.

So when we find ourselves screaming internally (or sometimes externally!), we can feel ashamed.

But here’s the thing:

You are not a terrible person.

You are not a terrible mother.

And you are definitely not the only one.

Now, I know “men don’t get it” is a huge generalisation. I’m sure there are plenty of men who absolutely do.

But I also think there is a reason there can be such a huge disconnect.

When a baby arrives, the person who has given birth experiences an enormous biological and physical transition. Pregnancy, birth, postpartum healing, breastfeeding if applicable, dramatic hormonal changes and often months or years of disrupted sleep.

Your brain and body are adapting to an entirely new reality.

And alongside all of that, there is the mental load.

Remembering appointments.

Nappies.

Clothes.

Feeds.

School bags.

Baby groups.

What needs buying.

What needs washing.

Who has eaten.

Who hasn’t slept.

When the next vaccination is due.

Whether there’s enough food in the house.

It’s not just the physical work.

It’s the constant thinking about the work.

And that is incredibly difficult to explain to someone who isn’t living inside it.

For many fathers, life changes enormously too, of course. But they can often retain more of their existing identity and routine. They may return to work, have uninterrupted showers, eat a meal while it’s hot and spend portions of their day functioning as the adult they were before the baby arrived.

Meanwhile, Mum can feel like she has disappeared underneath the responsibility of keeping everyone else alive.

And that difference matters.

It doesn’t mean men don’t care.

It doesn’t mean fathers aren’t exhausted.

It doesn’t mean every family looks like this.

But it can mean that the experience is fundamentally different.

And this is exactly why women supporting women is so incredibly important.

This morning, one of the mums in my class needed to offload.

And she did.

I watched her shoulders physically drop as she talked. By the end, it was almost as if something had been lifted from her.

And the response from the other women?

“Me too.”

“I completely get it.”

“I’ve felt exactly the same.”

No judgement.

No fixing.

No telling her she should be grateful.

Just women validating another woman’s experience.

We talked about partners. Extended family. The things that drive us absolutely bloody mad.

And honestly, that shared experience can be just as important — if not more important — than the yoga we do.

Because sometimes you don’t need someone to solve it.

You just need someone to look at you and say:

“You’re not crazy. I feel it too.”

There is something incredibly powerful about being understood without having to explain yourself.

That’s why women’s circles matter.

That’s why finding your village matters.

And if you’re somewhere in your postpartum journey feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, furious, emotional or like you’ve somehow lost yourself…

Come and join ours. Postnatal mum & baby yoga Mondays - Westcliff, Tuesdays - Rayleigh and Thursdays - Leigh.

We’ve got you. 🤍